People can say what they want about traffic near my new house. But it is never as bad as that near Stinky Garbage Trailer!

That's Harsh

So, there's a very polite young man who usually helps out in the Accounting department.  I guess he's on vacation this week because the young man who usually helps out on the other side of the building is over here.  I've been around when both of these young men are working over here and they are a laugh riot to listen to.  All they do is talk smack to each other about how much more one accomplishes than the other.  Beyond being hilarious, it's nice to see two teenage boys enthusiastic about office work.

Well today, the young man from the other side of the building said something that made me laugh, but I couldn't laugh out loud - I had to hold it in.  He just told The Whistler, "Dude.  You suck at whistling.  You're off-key.  And that's not even a song.  You should just hum."  The Whistler sounded so deflated when he said, "Are you serious?"  I wanted to pipe up and say, "Totally!"  But I just couldn't.  I doubt it will keep him from whistling, but it was one of those moments that I thought I had to share with you good people.

---

View Athletes' Collections with Live Search. See it!

Old people are crazy. My parents think that my 70 yr old father with Parkinsons and pneumonia is more stable on a ladder than I.

How to Read My Blog

I was just reading through my blog and noticed the different types of postings that I make. I know what it all means, but maybe some of you fine readers don't. Even if you've figured it out, let me explain it to you anyway.

I post from three different sources: email, mobile and Blogger.com interface.

Mobile messages are short, usually only one or two sentences since they are actually txt messages. My phone allows me to store an email address which Blogger lets me use to post messages. I've sent these postings while on vacation, sitting in traffic, sitting in a theater, etc. I can send them from virtually anywhere. It's my way of saying "holla" to my peeps while I'm out and about. I like to know that my faithful readers are with me wherever I go.

Mail messages always have those annoying advertisements as the last line. I try to put enough space at the end of my message that you'll know when the ad starts. I may start using a tag line to let you know that I've finished my message. I typically send these from work. I don't want to hit Blogger.com from there, but don't mind having Hotmail open.

That means I typically only use the Blogger.com interface from home. I don't post from home too often since not much happens around here. Since I'm on the Beta version of the new Blogger.com, you will now see labels associated with these posts. (Technically, I could open up any of the other kinds of messages post-posting to add labels, but that'd be too much work.) Also, no adds at the bottom of these messages.

Not terribly interesting, I just thought I'd explain it all. Actually, I was kinda hoping that the other two posters in our little community who are sorta still keeping their blog would be inspired to try one of the alternate methods of posting. Let us hear from you whilst you're out and about in the world. You know you love to txt!

As a matter of principle, I will never buy gas from Shell again.

Broken down Range Rover. Maybe he ran out of gas on the way to get it for free.

You have got to be kidding me. It's taking me almost 2 hour to get to work because of a stupid has give-away!

Anybody Got a Ladder?

My smoke detector is chirping incessantly to tell me that my battery is dead. Here's my question back to it? "Why are you located on my 9' ceiling?" Seriously. Who puts a smoke detector on a 9' ceiling? The detectors in Stinky Garbage Trailer are on the walls about 6.5' up. I can't reach up to get to them, but a normal step stool or even a chair puts me well within range. I don't have anything that gets me even remotely close to my 9' ceiling. It's really stupid. There's no place to put a broom, much less a ladder. I'd have to store the ladder in the basement and drag it up the stairs. And have I mentioned that the paint on my walls, specifically my stairway, gets a mark on it if I stare at it too hard? I hate to think how the walls will look after I drag a ladder up the stairway. And wouldn't you know the stupid smoke detector didn't start chirping until after 9:00 tonight? Too late for me to go out to buy a ladder (not that I could fit one into my car). How does tomorrow look? Not good since my mother is in the hospital. Looks like I'll be sleeping with the bathroom fan on tonight.

A Link for All You Word Lovers

I really like Martha Barnette's blog. Today I found this link and thought you all may want to give it a gander. You can only try this "Visual Thesaurus," so choose your word wisely. I doubt that I will subscribe to it, but it is an interesting tool.

The Hostile Takeover Skies

Delta launched a new campaign yesterday called "Keep Delta My Delta."  US Airways has put in an "unsolicited" (otherwise known as hostile) bid to buy Delta for something like $8 billion.  Delta claims that experts value their company between $9 - $14 billion.  So a measley $8 bill is a slap in the face. 

I think Delta and the airport make Atlanta what it is.  If Delta shuts down (due to moving the corporate offices to wherever US Airways operates), I think a lot of businesses will either leave or at least new ones won't move in.

What am I doing about it?  I signed the electronic petition linked at the top of this post.  I like our fine city.  I like being able to fly from here to virtually anywhere.  Do you?

---

View Athletes' Collections with Live Search. See it!

Yay! They closed the office after the Baby Jesus BBQ. I'm free wheeling.

This Day Keeps Getting Better and Better

I just overheard a loud discussion between one of the owners and The Guy Who Runs the Place about whether or not "we" really went to the moon.  The owner swears that the whole moon landing was filmed in a movie studio as a way to intimidate "our" Cold War enemies.  Best overheard snippets:

"Why have we never gone back?"
"If we went to the moon, why didn't we put all the satellites on the moon?  The moon is perfectly aligned with the earth.  We'd never have to reposition a single satellite."
"Area 51....."
"I went to a concert downtown.  I saw Jewel there."  "Did you see Neil Armstrong, too?"

Did they lace that roasted pig with PCP?

Which makes me think of a story (keep yer trap shut if you've heard it before).  A friend was recounting from personal experience how bad drugs are for you.  He said that he used to think he had moments of great clarity while he was high.  He determined that the next time he was high, he was going to write down one of these universal truths so he could share it with the world after he sobbered up.  Sure enough, the next time he was high, he had a journal handy and one of those life changing epiphanies came to him.  The next morning he looked at the paper only to read, "The light is on."  A truth, but hardly universal.

---

Use Messenger to talk to your IM friends, even those on Yahoo! Talk now!

If This Were Real, I'd Be Dead

And you'd be reading the post of a dead woman.  Eww.

This morning was very active, to say the least.  But I have to go back a little to explain the whole week of activity.  You already know about the Baby Jesus BBQ coming up tomorrow.  Not related to that in any way, this whole week was designated as Jeans Week.  If you pay $5 which goes to some childrens' charity, you get to wear jeans every day.  Since I only have 1 pair of jeans (that fit) which I wear every normal "jeans Friday," I didn't join in on the Jeans Week relaxation.  OK, so then some time yesterday, we got an email from the HR Manager telling us that we couldn't wear jeans today.  We would have a "make-up" day some time later.  Odd.  Why?

The email explained that (unrelated to either the Baby Jesus BBQ or Jeans Week) we were having "special visitors" in the building and the owners wanted us to look professional for them.  I read that with a completely different eye than the rest of the company.  I set about cleaning my desk.  I didn't get it spotless by any means, but I did throw away a ton of papers that were just lying around in piles on my desk.  You see, at my old job when we had "special visitors," they were high falootin' friends of the owners.  Their whole reason for being in the building was to go on an art tour.  Our office housed a very large and expensive art collection which was shown off at least once a year.  Once I got into an office, I could just close my door.  But before then, The Devil would do a laps the day before the tour to make sure that all cubicles were presentable, especially those in high traffic areas. 

These "special guests" went into the conference room.  They were loud and it sounded like there were a lot of them.  But no one in the building seemed to know who they were.  The most info I got was from the HR guy who thought it was "someone who just got elected."  My boss didn't know.  No one knew.  That's crazy.  If "someone who just got elected" came to my old office, everyone in the company would have known about it. 

Also on the schedule of things to do today: park by the dumpsters.  They set up the tent for the Baby Jesus BBQ in the parking lot next to the building, right where most people park. 

Finally, the fire alarm went off several times.  Boy is that thing loud!  I think it started going off while the "special guests" were still here.  No one reacted.  Not a single person.  I was a little concerned.  I mean, what if the "special guests" were roasting a pig and caught the office on  fire?  No one knew who they were.  Was fire part of their secret meeting?  After four alarms, I finally grabbed my mobile and my iPod and got up to walk around.  What did I find in the hallway?  Most of the chairs and tables from the conference room had been placed in the hall between my cubicle and the exit.  What were those "special guests" doing in the conference room, roasting a pig and dancing around an open fire?

I finally found one of the owners who reassured me that the fire alarm was just being tested.  It continued to go off intermittenly (if that's not how you spell that, I'm too lazy to look it up) for about 45 minutes.  Finally, we got an email message that the "special guests" were gone and had left food in the conference room.  Imagine my disappointment to find cheese and crackers instead of roasted pig, although that was some good bree (again with the spelling and the lazy).  Just after I had speared one tiny hunk of cheese, someone shouted "Fire Marshall!",  "Chairs!" and "Hallway!"  The fourteen scavengers milling around in the big empty conference room impromptu-cocktail-party-style ran into the hall to move all the chairs and tables back into the conference room.  I was quite impressed how quickly we snapped to, although a couple of the cubicles on my aisle now have "guest chairs" that look suspiciously like the conference room chairs.

Eventually, The Guy Who Runs Things (his new official blog name) came into the conference room to tell us that the fire trucks were gone.  That's when it hit us that the fire trucks didn't show up until at least 45 minutes after the first alarm went off.  Nice response time. 

So if there had really been a fire this morning, I would have had to leap over several tables and chairs to get out of a blazing building that would have burned to the ground 30 minutes before the fire department showed up.  I don't think I have to tell you that I'm not known for my leapin' skills.

---

Express yourself with gadgets on Windows Live Spaces Try it!

The Weather Outside, Not So Frightful

But the Chocolate inside is oh, so delightful.

I forgot how much I love construction vendors during this time of year.  They send the best prizes! ("prizes" TM African Hag)  I am currently snarfing down a big ol' hunk of milk chocolate provided by the gas company.  The gas company, really?  I guess we have a choice for gas providers these days, but still.  I don't think of big utility companies as being happy for someone's business.  Granted, at 1600 homes a year (in this state), we give them a lot of business.  But I was still shocked to see that the ginormous slab of chocolate sitting in AP was from the gas company.

And about the weather, it is supposed to be 60 degrees on Friday.  What's that about?  I heard on an NPR podcast that they're having to cancel all kinds of championship skiing events in Italy.  All the conservative hippies (like our beloved Kimi Stewart) are ranting and raving about global warming.  (Hey, I'm trying to do my part.  My boss got annoyed at me just yesterday for putting paper back in my printer that had already been used on one side.  He walked away from my desk shouting, "Death to the trees!" and shaking his fist in the air.) 

Anyway, on this 60 degree Friday in December, my company is having it's annual Christmas BBQ.  You heard that right, "Christmas BBQ."  Don't ask me what ribs and hot dogs grilled over an open flame have to do with baby Jesus, I just work here...sorta.  It brings new connotation to the idea of "live animals at the Nativity," doesn't it? 

Anyone wanna do lunch on Friday over my way?  Nope?  I'll probably run to the bank, then.

---

Search from any Web page with powerful protection. Get the FREE Windows Live Toolbar Today! Try it now!

If I Only Celebrated Christmas

I know what I'd be wishing for ... this.

Can you imagine walking into my house, coming up the stairs, rounding the corner and seeing a life-size (though flat) Thierry Henry kicking a ball at you? I'd yell "Offsides!" every time I came home. My neighbors might not find that as amusing as I do.

By the by, I got a shout-out on an English podcast today. They recap all the Premiership news from the weekend. To make their show interesting, they have fun titles for their various segments. They introduced a new segment last week which they asked their listeners to name. I sent in a couple of suggestions that I really liked. I got an email back from one of the podcasters (there are four guys on the show) indicating that he liked one of my suggestions. I was very eager to listen to the podcast today to see if I'd won the honour of naming the new segment. Nope.

The best I got was that one of the guys said my full name and declared that I was "fabulously named." So he liked *my* name better than the name I'd come up with for the segment. Then the one who sent me email, spoke up and said that he had really liked one of my suggestions but couldn't accept it because I support a rival club. Hooligan.

That leads me to a second tangent in this post... So many people seem to love my name. It is unique in the world. Evidently it is also melodic, mellifluous, sonorous and movie-star-ish. Or something like that. People also seem to like to say it in a funny accent.

That could lead me to a third tangent... The boys on "My Boys" do this funny thing where one of them will say a funny combination of words. He will stop in the middle of his sentence to repeat the interesting combination. He'll repeat it a few more times and then look at his friends and say, "Try it." Then they all start saying the funny phrase. That wasn't too funny the first time it happened, but it is a running gag that seems to get funnier each time they do it. It was especially funny when they started doing it in front of the girl's new "high class" boyfriend. She silenced them with a look and reminded them that they had promised to act normal.

OK. No more tangents. I'm done.

Birthday Round Up

I tried to post this last week, but sometimes Blogger doesn't like to accept my emailed postings...

Wow. So many birthdays, so little celebrating.

Dec 1 - My mother's only deceased brother. He would have been 72 this year.
Dec 2 - Yours truly took on the mantle of "Old Hag" for the day to turn 34.
Dec 3 - ?? still looking for someone with this b-day.
Dec 4 - This year the other "Old Hag" inherited the mantle "African Hag" as she turned 34. (She will now be referred to by that name on this blog.)
Dec 5 - A lady at my new job had birthday balloons outside her office. I didn't ask how old. She scares me.
Dec 6 - Top Model turned 32 on her Mexican cruise this year. We were supposed to be together, but I'm going to China and Japan instead.
Dec 7 - My father's youngest sister shares her birthday with the anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. I will not reveal her age even though she is way more active than I am.

P. June will be 33 later in the month. Clearly, this is the month to be born if you're somebody.

Maybe I Do Belong at the Kids' Table

I just went to buy champagne for The Doctor's anniversary dinner tonight. I spent a long time looing at all the selections because I wanted to get a "dry" champagne. Technically, I bought a dry sparkling wine since it is from Spain, not that snobby area of France. Anyway, when I plopped down my $8.00 (fancy schmancy!), I could tell that the haggard older man was eyeing me funny-like. After taking my money, he looked back at me once more and said, "I gotta see your ID, just to be safe."

Granted, I was not wearing make-up and I did not reek of cigarettes like most of his patrons. But come on. I pulled it out with a sly smile and said, "I'll be 34 tomorrow." His eyes got really big when he said, "Well, you look good." I replied, "No, I just haven't abused my body like the rest of the trashy people in this store."

Well, it's all true up to that last line. I only thought that...