If This Were Real, I'd Be Dead
And you'd be reading the post of a dead woman. Eww.
This morning was very active, to say the least. But I have to go back a little to explain the whole week of activity. You already know about the Baby Jesus BBQ coming up tomorrow. Not related to that in any way, this whole week was designated as Jeans Week. If you pay $5 which goes to some childrens' charity, you get to wear jeans every day. Since I only have 1 pair of jeans (that fit) which I wear every normal "jeans Friday," I didn't join in on the Jeans Week relaxation. OK, so then some time yesterday, we got an email from the HR Manager telling us that we couldn't wear jeans today. We would have a "make-up" day some time later. Odd. Why?
The email explained that (unrelated to either the Baby Jesus BBQ or Jeans Week) we were having "special visitors" in the building and the owners wanted us to look professional for them. I read that with a completely different eye than the rest of the company. I set about cleaning my desk. I didn't get it spotless by any means, but I did throw away a ton of papers that were just lying around in piles on my desk. You see, at my old job when we had "special visitors," they were high falootin' friends of the owners. Their whole reason for being in the building was to go on an art tour. Our office housed a very large and expensive art collection which was shown off at least once a year. Once I got into an office, I could just close my door. But before then, The Devil would do a laps the day before the tour to make sure that all cubicles were presentable, especially those in high traffic areas.
These "special guests" went into the conference room. They were loud and it sounded like there were a lot of them. But no one in the building seemed to know who they were. The most info I got was from the HR guy who thought it was "someone who just got elected." My boss didn't know. No one knew. That's crazy. If "someone who just got elected" came to my old office, everyone in the company would have known about it.
Also on the schedule of things to do today: park by the dumpsters. They set up the tent for the Baby Jesus BBQ in the parking lot next to the building, right where most people park.
Finally, the fire alarm went off several times. Boy is that thing loud! I think it started going off while the "special guests" were still here. No one reacted. Not a single person. I was a little concerned. I mean, what if the "special guests" were roasting a pig and caught the office on fire? No one knew who they were. Was fire part of their secret meeting? After four alarms, I finally grabbed my mobile and my iPod and got up to walk around. What did I find in the hallway? Most of the chairs and tables from the conference room had been placed in the hall between my cubicle and the exit. What were those "special guests" doing in the conference room, roasting a pig and dancing around an open fire?
I finally found one of the owners who reassured me that the fire alarm was just being tested. It continued to go off intermittenly (if that's not how you spell that, I'm too lazy to look it up) for about 45 minutes. Finally, we got an email message that the "special guests" were gone and had left food in the conference room. Imagine my disappointment to find cheese and crackers instead of roasted pig, although that was some good bree (again with the spelling and the lazy). Just after I had speared one tiny hunk of cheese, someone shouted "Fire Marshall!", "Chairs!" and "Hallway!" The fourteen scavengers milling around in the big empty conference room impromptu-cocktail-party-style ran into the hall to move all the chairs and tables back into the conference room. I was quite impressed how quickly we snapped to, although a couple of the cubicles on my aisle now have "guest chairs" that look suspiciously like the conference room chairs.
Eventually, The Guy Who Runs Things (his new official blog name) came into the conference room to tell us that the fire trucks were gone. That's when it hit us that the fire trucks didn't show up until at least 45 minutes after the first alarm went off. Nice response time.
So if there had really been a fire this morning, I would have had to leap over several tables and chairs to get out of a blazing building that would have burned to the ground 30 minutes before the fire department showed up. I don't think I have to tell you that I'm not known for my leapin' skills.
This morning was very active, to say the least. But I have to go back a little to explain the whole week of activity. You already know about the Baby Jesus BBQ coming up tomorrow. Not related to that in any way, this whole week was designated as Jeans Week. If you pay $5 which goes to some childrens' charity, you get to wear jeans every day. Since I only have 1 pair of jeans (that fit) which I wear every normal "jeans Friday," I didn't join in on the Jeans Week relaxation. OK, so then some time yesterday, we got an email from the HR Manager telling us that we couldn't wear jeans today. We would have a "make-up" day some time later. Odd. Why?
The email explained that (unrelated to either the Baby Jesus BBQ or Jeans Week) we were having "special visitors" in the building and the owners wanted us to look professional for them. I read that with a completely different eye than the rest of the company. I set about cleaning my desk. I didn't get it spotless by any means, but I did throw away a ton of papers that were just lying around in piles on my desk. You see, at my old job when we had "special visitors," they were high falootin' friends of the owners. Their whole reason for being in the building was to go on an art tour. Our office housed a very large and expensive art collection which was shown off at least once a year. Once I got into an office, I could just close my door. But before then, The Devil would do a laps the day before the tour to make sure that all cubicles were presentable, especially those in high traffic areas.
These "special guests" went into the conference room. They were loud and it sounded like there were a lot of them. But no one in the building seemed to know who they were. The most info I got was from the HR guy who thought it was "someone who just got elected." My boss didn't know. No one knew. That's crazy. If "someone who just got elected" came to my old office, everyone in the company would have known about it.
Also on the schedule of things to do today: park by the dumpsters. They set up the tent for the Baby Jesus BBQ in the parking lot next to the building, right where most people park.
Finally, the fire alarm went off several times. Boy is that thing loud! I think it started going off while the "special guests" were still here. No one reacted. Not a single person. I was a little concerned. I mean, what if the "special guests" were roasting a pig and caught the office on fire? No one knew who they were. Was fire part of their secret meeting? After four alarms, I finally grabbed my mobile and my iPod and got up to walk around. What did I find in the hallway? Most of the chairs and tables from the conference room had been placed in the hall between my cubicle and the exit. What were those "special guests" doing in the conference room, roasting a pig and dancing around an open fire?
I finally found one of the owners who reassured me that the fire alarm was just being tested. It continued to go off intermittenly (if that's not how you spell that, I'm too lazy to look it up) for about 45 minutes. Finally, we got an email message that the "special guests" were gone and had left food in the conference room. Imagine my disappointment to find cheese and crackers instead of roasted pig, although that was some good bree (again with the spelling and the lazy). Just after I had speared one tiny hunk of cheese, someone shouted "Fire Marshall!", "Chairs!" and "Hallway!" The fourteen scavengers milling around in the big empty conference room impromptu-cocktail-party-style ran into the hall to move all the chairs and tables back into the conference room. I was quite impressed how quickly we snapped to, although a couple of the cubicles on my aisle now have "guest chairs" that look suspiciously like the conference room chairs.
Eventually, The Guy Who Runs Things (his new official blog name) came into the conference room to tell us that the fire trucks were gone. That's when it hit us that the fire trucks didn't show up until at least 45 minutes after the first alarm went off. Nice response time.
So if there had really been a fire this morning, I would have had to leap over several tables and chairs to get out of a blazing building that would have burned to the ground 30 minutes before the fire department showed up. I don't think I have to tell you that I'm not known for my leapin' skills.
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1 Comments:
Intermittenly? Is that like something that happens between mittens? LOL
I think you were only missing a 't' before the 'ly'...
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