Me and My Imaginary Friends

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

Friday, March 24, 2006

T in the Hizzouse!

All you haters who are dissin' goodsoupfriday iz gonna miss the appearance of T. It'll be off the chain, yo.

TGIF!

Evidently, I'm planning to start my weekend a little early. This morning, I thought my purse was a little heavy, but I went on about my business. I got to the office, opened my purse to pull out my glasses and what did I see? A bottle of Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade. TGIF, indeed.

Why am I carrying a bottle of hard lemonade around in my purse? Because I live in a three story house. I took my dinner up to my bedroom last night. I have had these drinks in my frig for a couple of months. I decided to have one last night. But with my laptop in one hand and my dinner in the other, I had no way to carry it. The only way to take it upstairs was to put it in my purse. Once I was upstairs and watching TV, I completely forgot that it was in my purse.

Looks like my after lunch meeting just got more interesting...or less since I'll probably sleep through it.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Advertising: The Good, The Bad and The Scary

There are a couple of billboards up around town that annoy me (imagine that). There's at least one that I like. And there's one new ad campaign (radio) that leaves me speechless. Here goes my rant:

Should I start with The Good? No. Never.

The Scary:
Del Webb is a homebuilder who mainly builds "active adult" housing. These are homes for the over 55 crowd. Single story homes or two storied with the Master bedroom downstairs. As you can imagine, these things sell like bagels in Florida, but the market is not as large in our fair state - though there is a small market. Del Webb is new to our city, so they've thrown up a billboard on 85 S, right after the 400 merge.

I drove by that thing for a couple of weeks trying to figure out: 1) what it was advertising 2) what the lady was doing 3) why I was supposed to care instead of be scared (or scarred). Let me describe: There's an older woman wearing sunglasses with this look of either self-righteous zeal or pure delight on her up-turned face. All you can read zooming past the thing at 6:15 in the morning at 70 mph is "liveon-atlanta.com."

I thought it was for a new church with a female pastor. Or a picture of a woman getting "the spirit" at the new church. Liveon-atlanta sounds like it could be a church website. But no, it's a billboard for Del Webb advertising their new active adult community. The woman is wearing a black leather jacket and is riding a Harley. I think I'd be less scared (and scarred) if it had been a church billboard. You can see the picture for yourself at liveon-atlanta.com. Imagine the photo in the upper left corner the size of a billboard.

The Annoying:
So what if annoying wasn't a category? There's a billboard for the new Razr phone heading north on 85 just as you're about to get on 400. It features a woman wearing long dangly earrings, one of which is the Razr phone. (I don't care if I'm not spelling that right. They should spell it Razor if they want people to say razor.) To me the woman looks like a Vulcan. Others have said that she looks like an elf. Either way, you should be getting the picture that she's got pointy ears. And they're BIG. And she's not attractive. I just don't get it. "Look at our phone, it's prettier than our model?" "Look at our phone, if you have big pointy ears you can wear it as jewelry?" But then again, I am SO not their target audience.

The BAD:
Have you heard the new commercials for Lance Crackers? The new motto/tag line/jingle is ... "I got Lance in my pants." Seriously. Who thought up this campaign? They have Adam Corolla "walking the streets" talking to, let's face it, a bunch of really white people. No black people are going to say the phrase, "I got Lance in my pants." Especially when they call the segments "Cracker Talk." Again, seriously. Adam, you didn't have to tell me you were in Michigan, ain't no way you're bringin' that down South. I don't even think the white people down here would talk to you. And while it may be true that Lance crackers are "big enough to satisfy my hunger but small enough to keep in my pocket," that's not why I buy them. 'Cause you know what? Lots of snack foods are small enough to keep in my pocket...like - every candy bar ever made. What's your next slogan? "Lance Crackers, we package 'em in plastic!" "Lance Crackers, all you have to do is chew and swallow." "Six crackers in a package of Lance...because you have five fingers."

The Good:
So finally I'll get to the good. I left this for last because it won't be nearly as funny. The unabashedly gay Isaac Mizrahi has (had?) a new show on the Oxygen network. (It may have already been cancelled.) While the photo on the link above leaves no question about his masculinity, his billboards were actually very manly. I couldn't find a picture of one and the only one I know of is on 85 north down in East Point. So sneak a peak on your next trip back from Peachtree City, Noonan or the airport.

Anyway, Isaac is dressed in a really nice business suit. His hair is perfectly coiffed. The photo was shot from the side so that you see him in profile. He's got this look on his face like he's a businessman and he's in the middle of doing something big - very actiony. It's the kind of pose I'd expect from Donald Trump, not Isaac Mizrahi. Not that Mizrahi isn't a good businessman. Of course he is. He just isn't a traditional businessman. I can't explain it, but I stare (or starre) at this billboard every time I go by it. I wish I'd shot it.


And that is my rant. Leave your own rants in the comments.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I have an announcement.

[blows into mic]Is this thing on? [gets feedback, cringes] Uh, hi. I'm Horse N. Buggy and I'd like to say that goodsoupfriday is not, I repeat not cancelled. [looks around at the 2 people starring at me, waves at one, giggles] Hey! Oh, uh...that's all. [drops mic and runs from stage]

Hump Day Photo

Wow. I haven't posted a Hump Day Photo in a while. So I'm going to post a photo that I rarely ever show. People don't seem to react to it. I'm curious why they don't.

This seems to be my Chinese week. I started off watching a Chinese movie, progressed to looking at dead Chinese people, had a nice conversation with Kimmi Stewart about Chinese films and directors (over Cuban food while listening to Gypsy French music), and I will now finish up with a photo of Mann's Chinese Theater.

By the way, until this post, I had no idea that the Gypsy Kings were not Hispanic. They're French? That makes me sad. Now I have to get rid of my CD. I can't be caught listening to no Frenchy music! (C'mon! Look at 'em. Do they look French to you?)

Dead and Nekkid

On Saturday evening, my cousins and I went to see the exhibit "Bodies."

I'm going to give you time to let that sink in. We looked at the dead naked bodies of real people. Chinese people. I thought it would creep me out, but it didn't. It was unbelievably easy for me to forget that these displays used to be real living people. I don't know if it was because we're so used to real looking things today or what.

I was actually a little disappointed that the organs were not displayed better. It turns out those are the items I'm most interested in. For a long time I've been fascinated by the concept of the intestines. (Isn't that odd?) I just can't wrap my mind around how they fit in the body.

One of the coolest parts of the exhibit was at the end. I held a real lung and a real brain in my hands. (Yes, I washed up afterwards!) I did think about the real people while I was holding the brain in my hands. But it still didn't give me the jibblies. It was too awe-inspiring.

Another part you have to see is the baby room. They have big jars with embryos and fetuses (I know that's not how you pluralize fetus) in several developmental stages. It is amazing. I just don't get how people can argue that life doesn't begin at conception. The first jar is just a mass of cells. But the next jar is a tiny being already in the familiar "fetal" position. Again, it was amazing.

It was fairly clear throughout the exhibit that the people were of Asian origin. I don't know how we found out, but someone in my group knew that the bodies were all from China. At the end of the tour, there was a book for comments. One person left the most annoying comment. They said (I'm paraphrasing), "Just because you put blue or green contacts on the eyes doesn't make these people White. I'm appalled at the exploitation of Blacks I see in this exhibit." Since when are Chinese people Black? Yes, the exhibitors had to put contacts on the bodies because our eyes lose color. They'd also had to paint the muscles red so that we'd recognize them.

I guess using blue and green contacts made the bodies seem more multicultural than if they'd all had brown contacts. But how did that idiot get the impression that these were Black people? If someone is that ignorant and quick to find racial prejudice where there is none, (or at least none against Blacks) why would they come to an exhibit like this? I get that people may be creeped out over them using real people. I get that they may not like the Baby room. I get that they may have a problem using people from a culture where overpopulation is a problem. There are tons of things people could get upset about. But to cry racial prejudice where there is none...just burns me up.

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Blog is Up

I see that the blog is up again. I tried to post a fairly boring paragraph on Friday about how I'd forgotten that it was St. Patrick's Day and wore green to work. But the server was down so you couldn't read it. It's kinda moot now, so I won't repost it.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Save the Socks

My shoes have waged a sneaky campaign against their greatest enemies...my socks. This campaign was so sneaky that I didn't realize it was happening. I thought that after years of faithful service my socks had worn out. I was constantly tugging at them. I would look down to find them all bunched up around the middle of my foot. I started throwing them out despite the fact that this was happening with some of my favorite socks.

I didn't figure out that the problem was in my shoes until today ... after throwing away at least 3 pair of really comfy socks. I finally realized that this was only happening with my black socks ... which I only wear with my black shoes. Curses! I may be able to rescue one or two pairs of socks from my bedroom trash can - nothing nasty goes in there, well except dirty but still perfectly good socks.

Looks like I'm a-going shoe shopping this weekend. What are the odds that Ingles sells shoes?

Weekend Update

Naturally the weekend began with Good Soup Friday, or as Kimmi Stewart likes to call it, goodsoupfriday. Traffic was horrendous, but I persevered and had yummy Pad Thai with Chicken. Yes, we went to Ingles afterwards.

New Ingles fact: They're nacho average grocery store. That's the slogan on their bags. They even have a little nacho chip mascot to demonstrate how average they are nach. Uh...I coulda told you that without the little slogan and mascot.

The Polyglot bought a couple of Fashion Ties. He hasn't worn them yet. I'm dying to see them in action.

The boys came over to watch Secret Window. They love it. I wasn't overwhelmed. I actually forgot the name of the movie so I had to imdb Johnny Depp. One of the user reviews for the movie summed up my feelings pretty well. Seeing how the movie is about plagiarism, I'll plagiarize his comments: Nothing special but made enjoyable by a fun(ny) performance by Depp and capable direction. [/plagairism] Yeah, so it wasn't my favorite Depp movie, but I didn't hate it. But I doubt that I'll ever see it again.

This week we're going to watch "The Four Feathers." If The Polyglot had his own blog, he could talk about how droll he will find it. But he doesn't, so I'll go ahead and tell you that I adore this movie. Just don't look at the imdb review. The user says it's a good movie because it has so many "hotties" in it. While that is true, that's not why I like it. Oh and I will admit that Kate Hudson does a BAD English accent.

Then on Saturday and Sunday we had our Circuit Assembly in Athens. I should have stayed overnight in Athens. I will do so next time - an hour and 20 minutes one way is just too far to drive. Dinner Saturday evening was a little frustrating because we couldn't figure out where we were going. One of our friends was in the mood for something "different, not a chain." I understood that, but none of us knew anything about Athens. Thankfully, her sister had seen a little story on TV about a local Italian place so we went there. It ended up being a nice place, but it wasn't terribly speedy.

Housekeeping

No, not REAL housekeeping, blog housekeeping. As if I, the one who still owns Stinky Garbage Trailer, have any room to talk about real housekeeping.

I want to remind everyone that the little links at the end of each post, labeled "0 comments," are there for you to add your own witty comment to my blog. While I enjoy receiving your emails and text messages, I would also enjoy an occasional comment or 10. See, that way, people who stumble over this blog don't think that all my friends are imaginary. I guess I could start leaving comments for myself using random names. Are you going to force me to do that?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A Reminder to Look on the Bright Side

While Kimmi Stewart may not be able to pee at work at least she is close to the well-stocked bar. Have a cold one on us ... just not too many ... 'cuz that'd defeat the purpose.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Rolling out the Welcome mat

I'd like to send out a big welcome to new reader, Kimmi Stewart! Kimmi joins us from The Polyglot's basement where she slaves away in his father's sweatshop. Now I won't be able to tell who was hitting my site from that IP address. I guess I will have to judge by who screams "Where's my updates?!?!?!" the loudest.

Also, let's all run to the potty in honor of Kimmi Stewart. We pee at work because she can't.

Friday, March 10, 2006

I am now officially old.

I ran into a guy yesterday who I knew through work, but had not seen in ... 10 years. 10 YEARS! I've been an adult in the working world long enough to have lost contact with people for 10 years.

We're looking into replacing some software for our Architecture department. So we sat through a couple of demos. The first demo was given by this a guy who'd worked for our company 10 years ago. In fact, he and I went to college together though I never actually knew him in school. He never wore shoes in college. He only wore roller blades. He was hard to miss, so even though I didn't know him, I knew of him.

I remember when I began working at the office and saw him walking around in regular shoes. I was shocked. Back then, there were several of us freshly out of college and we became "work" friends. We started playing Spades at lunch. The games were cut-throat and loads of fun. I have never had so much fun playing cards since.

Anyway, sitting in that meeting with him, tons of memories about how fun my first few years at work were came flooding back to me. Not only did I remember the card games, but I remembered the time I had such a good hand that he took it away from me to photo copy it. I think I still have that photo copy (sometimes it's good to be a packrat). I remembered that he always reminded me of another friend of mine...and sure enough, the two of them continue to resemble each other in their 30's. And I guess those are the main memories that came back to me.

Ahhh... the innocence and joys of youth versus the responsibilities and wisdom of maturity. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Look Look Look

The world needs to dance. So sayeth MC Hammer. He's started a new blog to go along with his new album. To quote Teh Hammer:

"I will bridge the gaps through music, video, blogs, melody and dance. We will communicate one with another. ... The engine and power of the movement is the blog. The blog will allow us to link hand in hand, one to another. ... Through the blog I will eliminate sensationalism. You will have access to my many thoughts and truly get to know me without an intermediate. ... This is the revolution and it is on demand. There is no stopping this movement and you can't contain it. ... We will dance.There will be many steps in this dance. Learn the movements. Respect my get down."

Wow. I just want to make you laugh, maybe I'm not aiming high enough.

I am Horse N. Buggy. Respect my get down.

It's Hammer Time Peanut Butter and Jelly Time.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Idol Update

Have I talked about American Idol in a while? Well, here's my thoughts:

David Radford - Gone and good riddance. I can't believe I hated the Crooner, but he was more Sinatra than Crosby so he had to go.

Bucky Convington - Bucky C. Redneck will you please go home? I'm so over this dude. He can't sing and he's just a horrible embarrassment to the South. He killed any shot he had with me by singing Skynyrd and Garth poorly. He ruined both of them. DEAR GOD! He's a twin. There are two of them. I'm going to have nightmares.

Sway - What happened dude? He had so much potential. Or so I thought. I guess I was wrong. He certainly did not perform well the two weeks he was on.

Taylor Hicks - I still look forward to what he's going to sing, but almost for its train wreck factor. Don't get me wrong, I think he has a lovely voice. He's just so ... odd. He jerks around a little too much. Update to the update: He knocked it out of the park this week, herky jerky dancin' and all.

Gedeon McKinney - He's getting better every week. I think he'll make it through, but he shouldn't win. I like his ginormous smile, even if Simon doesn't. He sang very well tonight.

Ace Young - Meh. He's cute for American Idol, but he's not the best singer. He sang Father Figure very well and then did OK last week. He needs to bring it home this week. What am I talking about? This is AI. He'd have to burn a photo of Jesus while singing a Nazi anthem in order to get voted off. Even then, the girlies would probably think, "Ooh, he's a hot dangerous rebel. Swoon." Update on the update: Ace did almost what I predicted. He sang a Michael Jackson song in falsetto. Bad choice, but he won't pay for it.

Chris Daughtry - OK. So right after I make fun of the girlies for swooning over Ace, I'm gonna swoon for Chris. He may not have the best voice, but he sings the heck out of rock songs. He blew me away the first two weeks. Tonight he wasn't as good. But you know what? He's BALD! And he wears it well. He's no The Yul, but he's still hot. (Sadly, he also looks like Joey Lawrence. Check out those links if you don't believe me. I think he'd rather be compared to The Yul.)

Elliot Yamin - I saved my favorite for last. Elliot is by far the best singer in the competition, including the girls. I love to close my eyes (mostly cuz he's no Chris) and just listen to what he sings. He's blown me away two weeks in a row. I fully expect him to do so again tonight.

Horse N. Buggy Glimpses the Future

The world of VHS took a major step forward this week. I have to admit, the format has been lacking in new development for a while. It's nice to see someone is still thinking outside of the box. I bought a 3 pack of 8 hour Sony tapes not realizing the bonus that awaited me.

Sony has added... this is really good...

I'm overwhelmed...

Sony has given me a new ... way ... to ... label ... my ... tapes!!!!! [and the crowd goes wild!]

Instead of In addition to the old permanent sticker/label, Sony has created a new temporary type label. Functioning much like the ground-breaking Etch-a-Sketch technology, I can use any hard surface to write on the label (like my fingernail). When the content of the tape changes, I just rub my finger over the label and voila! the label is ... erased.

A-maz-ing.

I give this leading edge modification two thumbs up. This is just what VHS needed - a breath of fresh air.

Good Soup, Fashion Ties and Moldy Cake

So I believe Good Soup Friday will become a regular thing. And now visiting the pathetic little Ingles next door is also part of the ritual, even though the mere mention of the word "Ingles" gives The Polyglot the jibblies.

Last week Good Soup was enjoyed by The Polyglot, Hugginest Boy, She's an Other and my friend who I'll call...Kimmi Stewart. Good Soup was a hit! Kimmi Stewart loved it. I ordered something new and loved it. I tasted someone else's dish and that was wonderful too. (Something to look forward to this Friday.)

After Good Soup, my nephews and I went to Ingles to buy some ice cream and chocolate cake. Remember, I bought chocolate cake from Ingles last week and it was very yummy. As we were fighting off the jibblies walking through Ingles, we saw something that endeared the place to me even more... FASHION TIES.

Sandwiched between the wind chimes and tissue paper was a rack of men's ties - 100% silk ties. The sign at top of the rack read, "Fashion Tie BLOWOUT!" Here, see for yourself.



Ah, yes. Everyone needs a good Fashion Tie BLOWOUT now and again. Here's the rack in situ (yes that is my Thai leftover box under the wind chimes).



And here's my very favoritest part of the whole thing - the tag that reminds the yokel employees not to throw away the rack.



You know they thought they needed that tag. The manager hung up those ties and said to himself, "At these prices, these fashion ties are going to sell like bagels*. I'll probably have an empty rack by the end of the day. I'd better remind my employees not to throw away the empty rack. We'll be getting shiploads of these fashion ties!"

I tried to talk The Polyglot into buying a couple. He wouldn't. Fashion tie snob.

After we left the parallel universe that is Ingles, my nephews and I went back to my place to watch my new Hollywood boyfriend, Joaquin Phoenix, in The Village.

We settled in with ice cream and ... moldy cake. Yep. The chocolate cake at Ingles ain't moving as well as them Fashion Ties. I had to scrape a li'l bit of mold off of the bottom before we could eat it. I sure wasn't going back to the time reversing vortex of Ingles to get my money back. I mean, isn't penicillin made from mold? Maybe Ingles runs a pharmaceutical lab on the side.

*On Project Runway, my favorite reality show, the adorably German Heidi Klum told one of the designers that his clothes would "sell like bagels." Bagels, hotcakes. What's the difference to a German supermodel? She doesn't eat either one.