What Happened to John and Jane?
The movie we watched sounded like it was going to be more of a comedy than it turned out to be. But I guess I just didn't read the synopsis very well. "John and Jane" (two characters not actually featured in the film) is about 6 young Indians living in Mumbai and working in American call centers. They work the night shift in order to call Americans when we are home. These are the people who call us to sell us new long distance services, medical emergency systems, etc, etc, etc. Each of the six people had a unique way of dealing with and adjusting to their "Indian thinking like an American but still living in India" lives.
First, we met Glen. Over and over and over and over and over again. Glen is a bitter, foul-mouthed Indian who deeply resents how this call center job is keeping him from modeling for Gucci. Glens real call to greatness seems to be sleeping late and being a nuissance to his mother. By the way, Glen was the only person featured whose mother is still alive (if you don't count a multi-national pyramid selling organization as a mother, but we'll get to that later). Glen loved to use filthy filthy language to describe the people he talks to on the phone in America. I think Glen has seen far too many episodes of "The Sopranos" during his American cultural classes. We don't all talk like that.
Then we met Sidney. Sidney sells "medical emergency systems" to unsuspecting Americans. Excuse me, he sends them absolutely FREE medical emergency systems and the brochures to go with it. When the callers on the other line ask for a definition of a "medical emergency system," Sidney enlightens them with the stunning details that it's a "kit." Oh, that makes it all so much clearer. Thanks Sid. Sidney really sucks at this job. But what does he care? Sidney's passion is for dancin'. In fact, I think you could call him a "Dancin' Machine" or the "Dancin' Queen" - either one fits. You know, I was wrong. Sidney also has a living mother who tries to feed him his favorite food. He swears she's crazy and this is not his favorite food. Perhaps he doesn't think he can keep his waifish figure if he gives in to temptation. There is an absolutely priceless scene featuring Sidney breakin' it down with some dancin' studio pals. I don't think it was meant to be funny, so I kept my lauging to myself. I was crying.
Next up was Nikki who is so not a Valerie. Nikki has found Jesus in the local holy-roller church which features a lot of young foreign women swaying and holdng hands while dressed in saris. Nikki never knew her parents. The aunt who raised her recently died and left her their "lodge." Nikki no longer runs it as a lodge. She lets people who need places to stay live there, presumably for some amount of rent, though that wasn't specifically discussed. Nikki thinks of the people at the call center as her family. She is really good with her customers. She sells long distance service to old people in Texas who don't make long distance phone calls. But that doesn't stop her from assuring them that her plan will save them money. She is one of the best on her team, which means she suckers more people into buying her than anyone else does. But since she loves her customers, it's OK.
Next, we were treated to a pleasant rendition of "Love Me Tender" by the Indian version of not-Elvis. I don't remember this guy's name, but I'll call him Rich Patel. He wants to be a billionaire by October of this year. Considering that's only 5 months away, I thought he needed to "hop to." I think the film was made in 2002, so he had a little more breathing room to amass his fortune. And this guy had a plan. He had dismissed all of his friends so that he could focus on work. He listens to "you can be rich, think wealthy thoughts, dream of wealth, you are worthy" type cassettes while he sleeps. His home is overflowing with business strategy books from the likes of Zig Zigglar. To start him down the path of success, he joined the organization with the largest number of millionaires - AmWay. Excuse me, that's Mother AmWay. Yes, that's right, Rich thinks of AmWay as his mother. She loves him, helps him achieve his goals and provides for him. T used to work for the daughter of the people who founded AmWay. I wonder if she knows that she has a brother in Mumbai. T and I should arrange a family reunion.
Fifth up on the list was someone who actually found family in the call center. This guy married one of his coworkers - a woman who didn't even know he was interested in her when he proposed. Things were going great until she got a job in a different call center. Now they work different shifts and have to meet for brief trysts at McDonalds. He showers her with romantic gifts of Hamburglar toys. She looks bored and refuses to engage in conversation. Uh, maybe they should have dated before they got married. This guy hates his life. He hates India. He wants to be American.
Like the brilliant film-maker he dreams of being, the director saved the most unique character for last. Indira Blondie is a "totally natural blonde" to whom dark roots and brown eyes mean nothing. She loves her unique look and all the male attention it brings her. She likes to go clubbing and wear make up just like American girls. She refuses to drop her bizarre faux American accent when she leaves the call center - it's probably "totally natural" too. There is a great scene of her getting a facial. The lovely and well-made up young lady performing the facial has actually done a nice job selecting colors for Blondie. She tries to stress the need for foundation without embarrassing Blondie. Yes, honey, she's referring to the weird redness you've got on your cheeks - perhaps a side effect from skin bleaching? When the facialist tries to put mascara on Blondie's lashes, she wigs out because she "doesn't wear black mascara on her blonde lashes." She pays good money for that bleach, she's not going to cover it up with mascara. The thing is, beauty experts routinely tell blondes that if they only have time to apply one piece of makeup, chose mascara. Blondes look like walking death without it. But I guess Indira Blondie is into the post-mortem look.
There was a couple in front of us who left in the middle of the movie. The husband looked at his wife and said, "I'm ready any time you are." They basically bolted after that. A part of me wanted to join them, but I'm glad I stuck it out. It was blogworthy.
Oh - "John" and "Jane" are the fictional representations of Americans that these Indian companies use to indoctrinate their employees about the American way of life.
First, we met Glen. Over and over and over and over and over again. Glen is a bitter, foul-mouthed Indian who deeply resents how this call center job is keeping him from modeling for Gucci. Glens real call to greatness seems to be sleeping late and being a nuissance to his mother. By the way, Glen was the only person featured whose mother is still alive (if you don't count a multi-national pyramid selling organization as a mother, but we'll get to that later). Glen loved to use filthy filthy language to describe the people he talks to on the phone in America. I think Glen has seen far too many episodes of "The Sopranos" during his American cultural classes. We don't all talk like that.
Then we met Sidney. Sidney sells "medical emergency systems" to unsuspecting Americans. Excuse me, he sends them absolutely FREE medical emergency systems and the brochures to go with it. When the callers on the other line ask for a definition of a "medical emergency system," Sidney enlightens them with the stunning details that it's a "kit." Oh, that makes it all so much clearer. Thanks Sid. Sidney really sucks at this job. But what does he care? Sidney's passion is for dancin'. In fact, I think you could call him a "Dancin' Machine" or the "Dancin' Queen" - either one fits. You know, I was wrong. Sidney also has a living mother who tries to feed him his favorite food. He swears she's crazy and this is not his favorite food. Perhaps he doesn't think he can keep his waifish figure if he gives in to temptation. There is an absolutely priceless scene featuring Sidney breakin' it down with some dancin' studio pals. I don't think it was meant to be funny, so I kept my lauging to myself. I was crying.
Next up was Nikki who is so not a Valerie. Nikki has found Jesus in the local holy-roller church which features a lot of young foreign women swaying and holdng hands while dressed in saris. Nikki never knew her parents. The aunt who raised her recently died and left her their "lodge." Nikki no longer runs it as a lodge. She lets people who need places to stay live there, presumably for some amount of rent, though that wasn't specifically discussed. Nikki thinks of the people at the call center as her family. She is really good with her customers. She sells long distance service to old people in Texas who don't make long distance phone calls. But that doesn't stop her from assuring them that her plan will save them money. She is one of the best on her team, which means she suckers more people into buying her than anyone else does. But since she loves her customers, it's OK.
Next, we were treated to a pleasant rendition of "Love Me Tender" by the Indian version of not-Elvis. I don't remember this guy's name, but I'll call him Rich Patel. He wants to be a billionaire by October of this year. Considering that's only 5 months away, I thought he needed to "hop to." I think the film was made in 2002, so he had a little more breathing room to amass his fortune. And this guy had a plan. He had dismissed all of his friends so that he could focus on work. He listens to "you can be rich, think wealthy thoughts, dream of wealth, you are worthy" type cassettes while he sleeps. His home is overflowing with business strategy books from the likes of Zig Zigglar. To start him down the path of success, he joined the organization with the largest number of millionaires - AmWay. Excuse me, that's Mother AmWay. Yes, that's right, Rich thinks of AmWay as his mother. She loves him, helps him achieve his goals and provides for him. T used to work for the daughter of the people who founded AmWay. I wonder if she knows that she has a brother in Mumbai. T and I should arrange a family reunion.
Fifth up on the list was someone who actually found family in the call center. This guy married one of his coworkers - a woman who didn't even know he was interested in her when he proposed. Things were going great until she got a job in a different call center. Now they work different shifts and have to meet for brief trysts at McDonalds. He showers her with romantic gifts of Hamburglar toys. She looks bored and refuses to engage in conversation. Uh, maybe they should have dated before they got married. This guy hates his life. He hates India. He wants to be American.
Like the brilliant film-maker he dreams of being, the director saved the most unique character for last. Indira Blondie is a "totally natural blonde" to whom dark roots and brown eyes mean nothing. She loves her unique look and all the male attention it brings her. She likes to go clubbing and wear make up just like American girls. She refuses to drop her bizarre faux American accent when she leaves the call center - it's probably "totally natural" too. There is a great scene of her getting a facial. The lovely and well-made up young lady performing the facial has actually done a nice job selecting colors for Blondie. She tries to stress the need for foundation without embarrassing Blondie. Yes, honey, she's referring to the weird redness you've got on your cheeks - perhaps a side effect from skin bleaching? When the facialist tries to put mascara on Blondie's lashes, she wigs out because she "doesn't wear black mascara on her blonde lashes." She pays good money for that bleach, she's not going to cover it up with mascara. The thing is, beauty experts routinely tell blondes that if they only have time to apply one piece of makeup, chose mascara. Blondes look like walking death without it. But I guess Indira Blondie is into the post-mortem look.
There was a couple in front of us who left in the middle of the movie. The husband looked at his wife and said, "I'm ready any time you are." They basically bolted after that. A part of me wanted to join them, but I'm glad I stuck it out. It was blogworthy.
Oh - "John" and "Jane" are the fictional representations of Americans that these Indian companies use to indoctrinate their employees about the American way of life.
2 Comments:
You failed to note that a hamburglar, as referred to in the movie, is actually called a "grimp," and that was all they had that week, and therefore could not get another toy. He told his wife "I'll assemble it. You eat." He said he was afraid she would break it.
Who knew I had multiple Indian connections?
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