I Don't Think So Tim*

*The title of this post is a quote from the character Al on "Home Improvement." T's dad loves to use this quote as a creative way of saying, "I think you're full of crap." It is in no way a reflection on a nice fellow named Tim that I just met a few days ago.

I read stories that Reuters posts under the heading "Oddly Enough." Today one of the stories is about the 10 best pick-up lines used around the world. Since I try to keep an eye on global happenings, I thought I'd take a gander at the lines.

The gist of the story is that some publisher has compiled these lines and translated them into at least 5 other languages. [sing-songy stage whisper]I know what my next gift to The 'Glot is gonna be...[/sing-songy voice] The story doesn't list all 10 of the lines, but here are a few:

• Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
• Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?
• You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day.
• The only things your eyes haven't told me is your name.

Seriously, ladies. Aren't you just dying to hear these lines?

Let's make up some of our own, shall we? Surely we can write comparable pick-up lines for men.

• You remind me of Gallagher.
• How did you get your hair so nice and thin on top?
• I bet you kiss as good as my uncle.
• I don't mind at all that your boobs are bigger than mine.
• You'd make a great dad - you already have the wardrobe.
• Is that your paycheck? Aww, it's so cute.
• You look like you need a hug ... and my mom is dying to give you one.

That's it. That's my list of "great" pick-up lines that the ladies can use on the mens. But I have to admit that I cheated on the first two. My friend Chewy actually uttered those two lines to my sister Super Mom ... as woefully misguided compliments. Maybe he should have tried one of the "10 Best Pick-Up Lines" instead.