H&B, The Clumsy Oaf
The last two mornings have been a veritable comedy of errors for me. As I've blogged about before, it's not uncommon for me to look down and find food stains (or actual food) on my cleavage area. But the last two days, I've taken this to new heights!
I began yesterday with my mucho deliciouso Venti White Chocolate Mocha Latte from Starbucks. At some point during my consumption of this tasty beverage, I simply forgot how to drink out of a cup. I pulled the cup away from my lips before I was done. But instead of dribbling coffee down on my mock turtle neck, I ended up with a splash of coffee on my leg - a new experience. Thankfully, I was wearing black pants, so after wiping away the majority of the drink, there was no stain to speak of.
Next I went into the bathroom to apply my make-up (already at work). We have really nice smelling hand lotion in our bathroom. I noticed that the dispenser for the lotion was clogged, so I grabbed a paper towel, ready to unclog it. I didn't realize that the unclogging would turn into an explosion. I ended up with lovely smelling hand lotion all over my, you guessed it, cleavage area. I was extremely thankful (yet again) that I was wearing a mock turtle neck. I turned it around hoping that no one would notice the big ol' lotion stains on the back of my shirt as I walked away from them. At least I was able to forget about them for the rest of the day.
This morning, I was juggling my shiny new laptop, a bag full of stuff that I seem to carry everyday (including the mail from yesterday that I had not yet sorted through), my aforementioned morning dose of Starbucks, purse and swanky digital camera slung over my left shoulder, left ear sporting my blue tooth ear piece and right ear sporting an iPod earbud. (How VERY un-horsenbuggy-ish of me.) When I got to the door of my office building where I had to hold up a swipe card (which I have attached to my purse with one of those pull string thingies that Poly loves to play with), I had to shuffle stuff around in my arms to get to the card while NOT dropping the laptop. Somehow, the act of opening the door jostled my coffee enough that some of it jumped out of my cup and landed on several of the items in my arms, including, you guessed it, my cleavage area. Thankfully, my office is not far from the door. I was able to get into it without anyone seeing me in my general state of disarray. Again, I am thankful that I'm wearing a black sweater. There are no visible coffee stains on my sweater. Somehow my red pants escaped "the big splash," as the incident is now being referred to (by me alone). Though I was reminded while typing that that my red pants proved earlier in the morning that they won't show a coffee stain. When I first got my coffee this morning, I didn't realize that the moron teenager at Starbucks hadn't wiped the bottom of the cup. I did the standard "place the cup on your leg in order to move your hand down to the bottom of the cup so you can drink it while driving" manuever. That left a tiny half circle coffee ring on my red pants. I've just checked that spot and there is no trace.
I know your day is complete after reading about my banal food/lotion/clothing mishaps. You may skip the rest of your day and go directly to bed.
Note to self: Keep a big honkin' stash of industrial strength napkins in your office.
I began yesterday with my mucho deliciouso Venti White Chocolate Mocha Latte from Starbucks. At some point during my consumption of this tasty beverage, I simply forgot how to drink out of a cup. I pulled the cup away from my lips before I was done. But instead of dribbling coffee down on my mock turtle neck, I ended up with a splash of coffee on my leg - a new experience. Thankfully, I was wearing black pants, so after wiping away the majority of the drink, there was no stain to speak of.
Next I went into the bathroom to apply my make-up (already at work). We have really nice smelling hand lotion in our bathroom. I noticed that the dispenser for the lotion was clogged, so I grabbed a paper towel, ready to unclog it. I didn't realize that the unclogging would turn into an explosion. I ended up with lovely smelling hand lotion all over my, you guessed it, cleavage area. I was extremely thankful (yet again) that I was wearing a mock turtle neck. I turned it around hoping that no one would notice the big ol' lotion stains on the back of my shirt as I walked away from them. At least I was able to forget about them for the rest of the day.
This morning, I was juggling my shiny new laptop, a bag full of stuff that I seem to carry everyday (including the mail from yesterday that I had not yet sorted through), my aforementioned morning dose of Starbucks, purse and swanky digital camera slung over my left shoulder, left ear sporting my blue tooth ear piece and right ear sporting an iPod earbud. (How VERY un-horsenbuggy-ish of me.) When I got to the door of my office building where I had to hold up a swipe card (which I have attached to my purse with one of those pull string thingies that Poly loves to play with), I had to shuffle stuff around in my arms to get to the card while NOT dropping the laptop. Somehow, the act of opening the door jostled my coffee enough that some of it jumped out of my cup and landed on several of the items in my arms, including, you guessed it, my cleavage area. Thankfully, my office is not far from the door. I was able to get into it without anyone seeing me in my general state of disarray. Again, I am thankful that I'm wearing a black sweater. There are no visible coffee stains on my sweater. Somehow my red pants escaped "the big splash," as the incident is now being referred to (by me alone). Though I was reminded while typing that that my red pants proved earlier in the morning that they won't show a coffee stain. When I first got my coffee this morning, I didn't realize that the moron teenager at Starbucks hadn't wiped the bottom of the cup. I did the standard "place the cup on your leg in order to move your hand down to the bottom of the cup so you can drink it while driving" manuever. That left a tiny half circle coffee ring on my red pants. I've just checked that spot and there is no trace.
I know your day is complete after reading about my banal food/lotion/clothing mishaps. You may skip the rest of your day and go directly to bed.
Note to self: Keep a big honkin' stash of industrial strength napkins in your office.
Get into the holiday spirit, chat with Santa on Messenger. Ho-Ho-Ho!
3 Comments:
It is complete. Goodnight. :o)
I hate it when stuff falls down the clevage area. I had someone throw an eraser at me during my AP class in 9th grade, and that's where it went. There was no discrete way to give him back his eraser. Thank goodness there were only 11 kids in that class...
And the red and black go PERFECT together...goooo dawgs!
So you know you're not alone...
while reading this blog I was sipping MY venti white mocha from Starbucks and while laughing a little at that dribbled coffee on my burgundy sweater... sigh
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