Semi Daily update
Or is that Bi-Daily? I have never known the difference between semi and bi.
So, Monday was the worst day Mama has had yet. The Doctor gave her a bath even though that is the sole job of one of the hospice people. Bathing Mama wears out both people involved. When I came in to the house on Monday evening, The Doctor told me that Mama was "talking crazy." She's experienced a lot of confusion, so I wasn't that concerned. I expected that I'd have to remind her of the day and who was in the house, etc. Last week she got very confused about where my aunt and uncle were staying. They stayed at Mama's house, but sometimes she'd go to bed and ask me to remind them to lock the doors when they left to go home. One day over the weekend she was surprised when I kissed her goodnight and told her that I was going home. She said, "Home?" I answered, "Yes, Mama, I don't live here." "Oh."
Anyway, I was prepared for similar conversations. That is not what The Doctor meant when she said that Mama was talking crazy. What she meant was that she was having hallucinations that bordered on delusions. In one way it was really sad to see her have these hallucinations, in another way it was just one more challenge to deal with. I played along with them when they were not inconvenient (I'll explain that in a sec). But when they were inconvenient, I had to get creative to prove to her that what she was seeing wasn't real.
As is very common on morphine, she saw all kinds of things in the corners and on the floor. The first hallucination that I had to really deal with was the "puddle" of water on the floor. She pointed it out to me and I went over to investigate, thinking that that would make her feel better. She tried to point me in the right direction, but of course I never got to the exact spot. I guess it must be very strange to see what is there and what isn't there at the same time. I would have just let it drop but she insisted on getting up to see for herself. She's not very strong and she's attached to two medical devices. It's not particularly easy to get her up, especially to have a look-see at a non-existent puddle. To prove to her that there was no puddle, I laid down on the floor and rolled back and forth across the carpet. I got up and let her feel my shirt. It wasn't wet. She murmured something about me lifting my butt just as I got to the puddle, but she let the subject drop.
Mama has become very fidgetty, she never stops messing with the stuff around her. Monday evening she was about to drive me nuts wanting the footrest of her recliner up and then back down and then back up again - all in about a 10 minute cycle. She couldn't find a comfortable position and I really feel so sorry for her. I know it's got to be frustrating. But on Monday she was so out of it that she wasn't mindful of the two tubes coming out of her body. Each time she wanted to change the position of the footrest, I had to do it for her to make sure the tubes were out of the way. Naturally, that annoyed her. It had to feel like I was hovering over her, not letting her manage her own chair and sitting position. But she just couldn't. She was in such a state of mind that she would look at the tube coming out of her abdomen and ask what it was. On the way to bed, she thought the bucket that it leads to was Tupperware that Daddy and I were going to leave in the den instead of putting in the dishwasher. I was afraid that she was going to insist on taking it to the dishwasher herself.
Eventually, I talked her into laying down on the couch (to stop the footrest drama). There was a small pillow at the other end of the couch. When we got her onto the couch, she refused to stretch her legs out because she didn't want to put them down on the child laying at the end of the couch. We were having a difficult time getting her to sit on the couch comfortably. I told her that there was no child, that it was a pillow. I picked up the pillow and threw it across the room to illustrate that fact. She seemed to accept the truth for at least a moment. But a few minutes later, she was curling her legs back up and talking about one of Super Mom's babies sleeping at the end of the couch. I let frustration get the better of me and slapped the cushions to show her that there was no baby. I didn't speak harshly, I just acted rashly when I did that. Thankfully, I didn't upset her as I so easily could have. She let out a little giggle and stretched out her legs.
At one point during the evening, she looked at a fixed point in space somewhere near the fireplace and said, "Oh, Horsenbuggy. How wonderful." When I asked her what she was talking about, she answered, while continuing to look in the same spot, "Your picture. That is really something." I guess she was "seeing" one of my photographs hanging on the fireplace. I wish I had asked her what she liked about it and gotten her to describe it to me. Instead I just thanked her.
After all this "crazy talk," I was amazed that she was coherent when my cousin and his wife came to visit. They came after work, so it was later than we typically have visitors - a little after 7. I was worried that she would be so tired by the time they got there that she wouldn't be in her right mind at all. Instead, she was able to explain to them that she'd been having hallucinations all day. She explained to them that right then she was seeing an old lady out in the backyard looking at Daddy's boat. Now don't that beat the Dutch?
As soon as my cousins left, she asked me to move her back to her lounge chair. While in transit to the chair, she asked me if the "other girl" with them was related to them. I don't know if she'd seen a third person the whole time or if she only thought about a third person after they were gone. She saw another random woman the following morning (yesterday) when a sister from our congregation (Fifi) visited. My sister-in-law told me that when Fifi got up to leave, Mama pointed to the couch and said, "I want that woman to leave, too." My sister-in-law told her, "Yep, she's with Fifi, they're leaving together."
I wonder if this phantom woman is the same each time. I also wonder if she is at all based on the fact that when Nickel and Wintertown came to visit, they had to bring along her mother who just sat in the corner of the couch and barely said two words. At the end of their visit, Mama expressed concern that we'd been rude by leaving Nickel's mother out of the conversation. I couldn't explain to her that the woman is in early stages of Alzheimer's and probably doesn't follow the conversation real well anyway.
The rest of Tuesday turned out to be a good day. Other than the one minor hallucination in the morning, Mama was pretty clear headed for the rest of the day. She was so together mentally that I didn't feel any guilt over leaving her alone with Daddy to go to the meeting. She was sitting up in her chair flossing her teeth when I left. I guess it is a good sign when someone is mentally alert enough to care about dental hygene.
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So, Monday was the worst day Mama has had yet. The Doctor gave her a bath even though that is the sole job of one of the hospice people. Bathing Mama wears out both people involved. When I came in to the house on Monday evening, The Doctor told me that Mama was "talking crazy." She's experienced a lot of confusion, so I wasn't that concerned. I expected that I'd have to remind her of the day and who was in the house, etc. Last week she got very confused about where my aunt and uncle were staying. They stayed at Mama's house, but sometimes she'd go to bed and ask me to remind them to lock the doors when they left to go home. One day over the weekend she was surprised when I kissed her goodnight and told her that I was going home. She said, "Home?" I answered, "Yes, Mama, I don't live here." "Oh."
Anyway, I was prepared for similar conversations. That is not what The Doctor meant when she said that Mama was talking crazy. What she meant was that she was having hallucinations that bordered on delusions. In one way it was really sad to see her have these hallucinations, in another way it was just one more challenge to deal with. I played along with them when they were not inconvenient (I'll explain that in a sec). But when they were inconvenient, I had to get creative to prove to her that what she was seeing wasn't real.
As is very common on morphine, she saw all kinds of things in the corners and on the floor. The first hallucination that I had to really deal with was the "puddle" of water on the floor. She pointed it out to me and I went over to investigate, thinking that that would make her feel better. She tried to point me in the right direction, but of course I never got to the exact spot. I guess it must be very strange to see what is there and what isn't there at the same time. I would have just let it drop but she insisted on getting up to see for herself. She's not very strong and she's attached to two medical devices. It's not particularly easy to get her up, especially to have a look-see at a non-existent puddle. To prove to her that there was no puddle, I laid down on the floor and rolled back and forth across the carpet. I got up and let her feel my shirt. It wasn't wet. She murmured something about me lifting my butt just as I got to the puddle, but she let the subject drop.
Mama has become very fidgetty, she never stops messing with the stuff around her. Monday evening she was about to drive me nuts wanting the footrest of her recliner up and then back down and then back up again - all in about a 10 minute cycle. She couldn't find a comfortable position and I really feel so sorry for her. I know it's got to be frustrating. But on Monday she was so out of it that she wasn't mindful of the two tubes coming out of her body. Each time she wanted to change the position of the footrest, I had to do it for her to make sure the tubes were out of the way. Naturally, that annoyed her. It had to feel like I was hovering over her, not letting her manage her own chair and sitting position. But she just couldn't. She was in such a state of mind that she would look at the tube coming out of her abdomen and ask what it was. On the way to bed, she thought the bucket that it leads to was Tupperware that Daddy and I were going to leave in the den instead of putting in the dishwasher. I was afraid that she was going to insist on taking it to the dishwasher herself.
Eventually, I talked her into laying down on the couch (to stop the footrest drama). There was a small pillow at the other end of the couch. When we got her onto the couch, she refused to stretch her legs out because she didn't want to put them down on the child laying at the end of the couch. We were having a difficult time getting her to sit on the couch comfortably. I told her that there was no child, that it was a pillow. I picked up the pillow and threw it across the room to illustrate that fact. She seemed to accept the truth for at least a moment. But a few minutes later, she was curling her legs back up and talking about one of Super Mom's babies sleeping at the end of the couch. I let frustration get the better of me and slapped the cushions to show her that there was no baby. I didn't speak harshly, I just acted rashly when I did that. Thankfully, I didn't upset her as I so easily could have. She let out a little giggle and stretched out her legs.
At one point during the evening, she looked at a fixed point in space somewhere near the fireplace and said, "Oh, Horsenbuggy. How wonderful." When I asked her what she was talking about, she answered, while continuing to look in the same spot, "Your picture. That is really something." I guess she was "seeing" one of my photographs hanging on the fireplace. I wish I had asked her what she liked about it and gotten her to describe it to me. Instead I just thanked her.
After all this "crazy talk," I was amazed that she was coherent when my cousin and his wife came to visit. They came after work, so it was later than we typically have visitors - a little after 7. I was worried that she would be so tired by the time they got there that she wouldn't be in her right mind at all. Instead, she was able to explain to them that she'd been having hallucinations all day. She explained to them that right then she was seeing an old lady out in the backyard looking at Daddy's boat. Now don't that beat the Dutch?
As soon as my cousins left, she asked me to move her back to her lounge chair. While in transit to the chair, she asked me if the "other girl" with them was related to them. I don't know if she'd seen a third person the whole time or if she only thought about a third person after they were gone. She saw another random woman the following morning (yesterday) when a sister from our congregation (Fifi) visited. My sister-in-law told me that when Fifi got up to leave, Mama pointed to the couch and said, "I want that woman to leave, too." My sister-in-law told her, "Yep, she's with Fifi, they're leaving together."
I wonder if this phantom woman is the same each time. I also wonder if she is at all based on the fact that when Nickel and Wintertown came to visit, they had to bring along her mother who just sat in the corner of the couch and barely said two words. At the end of their visit, Mama expressed concern that we'd been rude by leaving Nickel's mother out of the conversation. I couldn't explain to her that the woman is in early stages of Alzheimer's and probably doesn't follow the conversation real well anyway.
The rest of Tuesday turned out to be a good day. Other than the one minor hallucination in the morning, Mama was pretty clear headed for the rest of the day. She was so together mentally that I didn't feel any guilt over leaving her alone with Daddy to go to the meeting. She was sitting up in her chair flossing her teeth when I left. I guess it is a good sign when someone is mentally alert enough to care about dental hygene.
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