Ho

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ho is a two-letter English word

• Ho is one romanization of several Chinese surnames.
• Ho language is spoken in India.
• HO (or H0) is a scale used in railroad modelling.
• Ho is a city in south east Ghana and the capital of the Volta Region.
• Ho is a city in Denmark.
• Ho is the symbol for the chemical element Holmium.
• Ho is an abbreviation for Hosea, a book of the Hebrew Bible.
• Ho is an interjection that is a contraction of the Anglo-Saxon word hoe meaning "high ground", e.g. Westward Ho!
• Ho is the convention to write the way Santa Claus (and the Jolly Green Giant) laughs, as in "Ho ho ho".
• HO or H-O may be an abbreviation for the Heckscher-Ohlin theorem.
• Ho is a spirit in Tsimshian mythology.
• Ho is the African American Vernacular English slang contraction of whore (see prostitution).
• Ho is a greeting found in Orson Scott Card's science fiction series beginning with Ender's Game.
• Ho may refer to Ho Chi Minh.
• HO is the IATA airline designator of Antinea Airlines
• HO is a common acronym for Harmonic Oscillator
• Romanisation of the Japanese kana ほ and ホ

See also

• Hoe
• Whore

I now have two stories to tell you about Kimi "The Ho" Stewart. I couldn't figure out a way to make the first story funny until the second one came along.

Kimi, the Martini Ho.
We were at Martinis and IMAX last Friday night. Kimi Stewart looked very lovely with her long eyelashes and soft tendrils of strawberry blonde hair hanging loosely about her shoulders. Little did I know that "loosely" was her chosen theme of the evening. We each ordered a martini. I chose wisely, she did not. Her martini was a nasty peach concoction that did not suit her palate.

Kimi heard that "they" were giving out free martinis "over there" so she went in search. She returned with a new martini, but "they'd" just "run out" of free tickets by the time she got to "them." No problem, Kimi sucked it up and bought her second, more tasty martini.

Kimi was so thrilled with her improved martini, that she offered free sips to anyone who looked her way. Since I chose wisely the first time, I had no need to stray from my selection. Finally, after we were seated in the theater and Kimi's drink had been amply sampled by many in our group, she found one last person whom she had neglected. "Aww, he looks so sad without a martini in his hand," Kimi reasoned in her beautiful head. Extending her community glass to this martini-less friend (who was sitting on the other side of me), Kimi said, "Would you like a taste of my martini?"

Mr. I'm Not Drinking Tonight took one look at her obviously well-shared glass, gave a little half-snear and said, "No thanks." Then he turned his back on us to continue his conversation with our friends on the other side of him. I looked at Kimi with a mock half-snear* on my face and said, "You're such a Martini Ho. There's no telling where that glass has been."


Kimi, the Texting Ho.
Late yesterday afternoon I got an email message from Kimi Stewart bragging about her latest conquest. She explained that she has a friend whose grandfather just died. Kimi wanted to send her friend an encouraging text message. So she wrote, "Just thinking about you, I love you!" As she was selecting the recipient for this endearing little message, she picked, not her friend, but Brother Seersucker.

Brother Seersucker is a 50-something pioneer in our congregation who is relatively newly married to his 3rd wife. They are blissfully happy and are quite lovey-dovey. This is exactly the kind of message that he would send to his wife at random times throughout the day, if he knew how to text message (and I wouldn't put that past him). They are a cool couple and even made it to the dinner portion of GSAM a few weeks ago.

Thankfully, Kimi realized her mistake before hitting send and selected the correct recipient.

As a fabulous ending to this story, our row of sisters sat in a different place at the meeting last night. We usually sit in the middle towards the front. I wasn't feeling well, so we sat on the side towards the rear. I was on the end with Kimi next to me and then others down the row towards the wall. Guess who sat in front of me just as the song started? Yep. Brother Seersucker. I started giggling and Kimi couldn't help but join in. I continued to tease her throughout the evening since he was carrying the mic on our side of the hall. After the sister on the other side of Kimi commented, I leaned over and whispered to Kimi, "Did you see him staring at you?" She was taken in for half a second and then she giggled.**


* Our friend who wasn't drinking was not rude to Kimi. It's just funnier to make it seem so in the telling of the story. Even though I don't know him well, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

** There is no illicit relationship between Kimi Stewart and Brother Seersucker.